One of my close friends said the other day, that one should always say what is on one’s mind and not leave room for regret later. Not one to preach but not practise what she says, she lives her life accordingly. She expresses love and hate quite indiscriminately and with equal enthusiasm. Although this trait of hers has landed her in a soup on quite a few occasions, she has not changed and I admire her for it.
The only occasions, where I would have liked to incorporate this advice of hers’, are times when, I was terribly let down by people whom I had trusted and lovingly incorporated as prominent threads in the sparse fabric of my life .What I felt then was a boiling rage, pain mingled with hurt but helpless because no words would come.
I suffer from this particular predicament of wanting to scream and hurl abuses at someone who has hurt me and not even realized it, but am unable to do so. My throat simply closes up and words refuse to co-operate with me in that particular moment. People have different ways of dealing with anger and grief. Some of you tend to let it all out, and once the storm is over you feel much better for it. You let the other know exactly what you think of them. How I wish, it was the same for me. My way of handling things is much different and regrettably inadequate. Not only am I not able to express my feelings but I shy away from any ugly situations and retract into myself, shutting my mind against the reality of what is happening. I am ashamed to admit that I am a bit of a coward and tend to avoid confrontations; sometimes at the cost of losing my peace of mind.
I wish I knew what is it that stops me…is it the thought of saying something cruel and hurting the person in front of me or is it the fear that I may hear something about myself that I wish had been left unsaid.
Hey sweetie. I used to be that way too. I hated confrontations and would avoid it at all cost, even if it ended up hurting me. You are right though, part of the reason why I too avoided confrontations was because I was afraid of hurting someone's feelings and also hearing something I didn't want to hear. But know what? Friends and family who really love you will accept what you have to say. Being open about how you feel if someone has hurt you is a way to mend things because it opens up the communication lines and you both learn from each other. It might be hard to be open about how you feel, especially if it's something that hurt you or has made you angry, but it helps to be open, not just for yourself but it helps your relationship with others grow stronger. =)
ReplyDeletebeing able to blast the person in front of you isn't all it's cracked up to be... inevitably, i feel bad about it afterward. i'd rather kick myself in the butt because i couldn't think of what to say in the heat of the moment.
ReplyDeleteEither way it's the smarter route!
ReplyDelete@ Childminders: I'm trying to change you know and hopefully I shall make some progress even if it is gradual
ReplyDelete@Jaime:yes isn't it frustrating to not have just the perfect words to blast people with
@UberGrumpy: I agree with you;its just that I haven't been able to put it into action yet. There's still hope yet.
Hi Jana, once words are uttered there's no taking it back. Yes, we must express ourselves in order to be heard and not taken for granted. But always practise clear judgement with a level-headed coolness. Most importantly, do not let your emotions get the better of you when making your rational.
ReplyDeleteCHEERS!!!
Hi friend you are so right; words once spoken cannot be taken back, nor can the hurt that sometimes accompanies them.
ReplyDeletePossibly because it's not natural for the soul to express itself that way; I am more like your friend, terribly so, and have no fear in speaking or saying what needs to be said.....but it leaves me wishing I didn't *have* to...
ReplyDeleteHey, wanted to stop by and say thanks for playing yesterday! ;)
ReplyDeleteHow beautifully expressed, and it sounds to be like you are merely human.I for one will often hold my feeling in too long, especially anger until I explode, not violently but still and explosion, and explosion,eruption perhaps is a better word, eruption of words and sometimes tears. I sometimes cover my feeling with humor, like the clown crying behind the smiling. I think conflict of emotion is one of the curses and blessing of the human and especially the creative condition. Now I set and read what I just wrote( no changes to be made) and realize that your humanism brought out my own, ad that is a good thing.
ReplyDeletePS.. technically I am a very challenged, the internet baffles me, I think it does most humans. So in case you do not know where I found you it was on blog catalog, there i am The Sandman.
ReplyDeletei am the exact same way. i absolutely despise being confrontational. but i have found that if i try to keep it to myself, it'll just come out eventually, 10 times bigger than it should be. so i am trying to work on communicating things as i feel them. ugh. it's hard!
ReplyDelete@ Braja: One does tend to feel drained once the ranting is over I agree
ReplyDelete@ Ian: You are more than welcome, can't wait for next Monday
@ASeaRouge: Isn't the internet really annoying at times but it does help me keep in touch with all you beautiful people. What you wrote was so touching.
@alladinsane12: Let's go on this journey to expressing our feelings together and see where it goes.
Nice post! Love that photo!
ReplyDeletehttp://keepingupwithglamfashion.blogspot.com/