Showing posts with label things that are ridiculously funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label things that are ridiculously funny. Show all posts

Monday, April 12, 2010

How not to make your career choices...

As I have wimped out of taking part in Ian’s Monday Minute I am undergoing intense withdrawal symptoms. It is totally addictive, I am telling you; taking part in his crazy but interesting meme week after week. However, as today’s topic is sex, prude that I am I have decided not to do it(no pun intended) and instead post about something else. Something that will give you a further glimpse into my wonderfully neurotic character. While doing research for my work

Sidebar: this excuse has served me well on a number of occasions when I was doing anything but working at work.

I stumbled upon this thought provoking analysis of what my career choice should be according to my Ruling Number i.e. according to numerology. After having gone through a painful process of calculating my ruling number I made the amazing discovery that I am a number 4. This is what the calculation looked like if you are even remotely interested(and yes my name IS that long)

1+1+5+1+1+8+9+5+5 1+9+5+7+8+1
36+31=67
6+7=13
1+3=4

Now, the amazing prediction which had me giving full rein to my vocal denial:

4s treasure bringing their down-to-earth natures into fields that require attention to detail -- after all, two-time Nobel Prize laureate Marie Curie studied radioactivity for the better part of her life! 4s are also often athletes, due to their preference for a repetitive schedule, and that 4 brand of discipline makes for great accountants, bankers, financial planners, engineers, architects, landscapers and tax lawyers. 4s are also attracted to jobs in organizational and management positions.

Let ME analyze this is detail. Attention to detail? My ability for paying attention to details could give competition, if not totally beat Paris Hilton’s ability for the same. I’d rather not pay any attention to details if Marie Curie’s sad and scary end is anything to go by. I hear she died due to exposure to radioactive materials for most of her life. A fat lot of good it did her, paying attention to details.

I am also supposed to make a good athlete. Okay, just give me a moment to recover from the massive amount of derisive laughter I am laughing. I am as much as an athlete as Tiger Woods is a faithful, committed husband. The most physical activity I undertake in a day is dragging myself from my bed to work and back home again. I would rather go hungry than leave my couch to walk the 10 steps to the fridge.

It also says that I will do good in a profession that allows me to work with numbers. THAT is an outright lie and I am suing these people for mental and emotional harassment. Oh the pain and fear that Math has caused me throughout my childhood. Just this one thing was enough to blight my entire student life.  My mum and dad actually prayed earnestly, everyday, that I would pass in this one subject. I was okay at the rest, but this weakness of mine overshadowed all my other achievements. So I will be an accountant or banker with flourish, when pigs will fly in the clear blue sky.

Now, the last option I can live with, as it says I will do well in organizational and management positions. I am willing to go ahead with this for the simple reason that this will allow me to organize things for my sole benefit and comfort. Isn’t that what good and efficient management is all about?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Stale Fortune Cookie Business!

Just to show you guys that I can be sooo cool sometimes I am namimg today’s post a Wacky Wednesday. I had never expected that I would get so many opportunities for laughter in my line of work. Not that I’m complaining. I stumbled upon these wonderful fortune cookie predictions while doing some research for my work. I HAD to share these with all of you. Purely for your reading pleasure, I present the

15 Worst Fortune Cookies

15. What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren't enough for you, tubby?

14. Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops.

13. Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt.

12. It takes a tough man to make tender chicken from a cat.

11. This coupon good for a free 1-year subscription to Windows Sources magazine.

10. Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan.

9. Spouse mad at you. No get special "wonton pork" tonight.

8. Patron who mocks waiter's accent will unwittingly consume chef's bodily fluids.

7. A wise man tips 20% to avoid severe tire damage.

6. An 87 year old hooker awaits you.

5. Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application.

4. Hope you enjoyed your dinner, Mr. Bond.

3. Wipe that drool off your chin. That waitress you're ogling is Mr. Woo's number one son.

2. Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck.

1. Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup


















Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Twitter, Twitter...

Today, I am sharing these very funny comments by David Letterman on Twitter and its overwhelming popularity…I myself don’t see the point in it…
David Letterman's Top Ten Signs that You Spend Too Much Time On Twitter

10. You miss son's soccer game waiting for Lady Gaga to post what she had for lunch
9. You answer the phone: "Twello?"
8. You've spent millions developing iPhone waterproofing technology so you can tweet in the shower
7. You haven't touched your CB radio in months
6. You ask yourself, "What would Jesus tweet?"
5. You sleep-tweet
4. No No. 4 — writer on Twitter
3. You stopped paying attention to this list after the first 140 characters
2. Even Ashton Kutcher thinks you tweet too much
1. Walked in on the landscaper "retweeting" your wife.
 

Thursday, March 18, 2010

A Few Things Ninjas Swear By…


I had come across this a while back ( don’t remember when and where) and had found them really funny. I happened to stumble upon them again today as I was looking for some other stuff. Whoever wrote these deserves pure unadulterated praise. I am posting them here for your reading pleasure friends, so enjoy…

- Exercise is important, but jogging is for wimps. plenty of exercise can be had leaping from bushes and kicking joggers in the head.

- Laughter is medicine. ninjas practice the art of inappropriate laughter. laughing when hearing about cancer also shows the ninja’s strength.

- Ninjas occasionally, without warning, stab friends with throwing stars. life is random. ninjas embrace this fact of life.

- Samurais are the source of much stress for ninjas. they think they’re soooooo cool with their armor and swords and those awesome helmets. it’s in a ninja’s best interest not to think about such things.

- When eating the still beating heart of an enemy, ninjas eat it all. there are starving ninjas in africa who dont have any hearts to eat.

-Fiber in your diet is important. ninjas eat the shirt off a complete stranger’s back at least once a week.

- Killing the wrong person happens. ninjas know this. that’s why it’s useless to live in the past

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

What do your stars say?...

Of late I have been reading some astrology predictions which have me in splits. I wonder how I managed to miss this earlier as its excruciatingly funny. Some had me rolling with laughter on the floor while a few others had me petrified, sure that Death would come a- knocking on my door any moment now. Outlined below are a few of these gems purely for your reading pleasure. These predictions give a whole new meaning to advice; advising people against doing certain things or encouraging them to do it and informing them about the wide and varied calamities that are about to befall them.

1) Making the most of opportunities…

You will see improvement in any skin problems you have been having. Use this time to get some family portraits done!

2)It is as if the astrologer is in cahoots with the burglars…

Lock all your doors securely as a break in is indicated today. If you are on the ground floor check twice if all the windows and doors are locked.

3)What can be more satisfying than a fling?...

You may develop a crush on someone today, but will be surprised when it develops into something that is so much more.

4) Do I need to be told this?…

You have a tendency to look for a fairytale romance. In reality, you need a loving partner, not a mythical superhero.

5)Campaign against dining out…

You will feel like you have dined out too much recently. Drink lots of water to cleanse your system. Eat meals from home.

6)Feel free to acquire injuries doing abnormal, unusual activities…

Be careful while climbing stairs, as the likelihood of a fall is high. Avoid injuries obtained during normal, everyday activities.


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