Attack of the Colors...

I have been walking around a mass of nerves lately, paranoid to the extreme and jumpy as a rabbit. All this due to the much feared festival of Holi.

The youngest sister came home the other day looking as if she had been kicked in the stomach and then kicked some more. Going by the look on her face I was guessing the worst natural calamity or World War III. Once she had recovered enough she disclosed that it was indeed a water missile balloon that had struck her left ear with the force of a comet. She truly feared she had gone deaf for a few minutes. On top of it whoever that cretin is who had pelted her with it had managed to get water into her phone which had predictably stopped working. She was spitting mad…so mad that she was crying tears of fury.

Can you imagine any good coming from a festival where people feel free to get high on a drink made with Cannabis in it; drag unsuspecting victims of revelry out of their homes and douse them with colours without their approval.

I do have a MO when it comes to coping with the week commencing Holi. It took a lot of people, pelting water balloons at me, before I was forced to take some steps to protect myself. Most of this involves sneaking around, trying to fade into the background, which considering my personality should not be too tough, but to my dismay is during this time. Your stride must be quick and firm but not too fast for they must not sense your fear. Make the most of your visionary abilities and keep an eye on any missiles which might be hurtling at impossible speeds your way. I believe I resemble one of those objects whose heads keep bobbing on a spring as I try to do a full 360 degress at once, eyes darting this way and that frantically. Every step feels like I’m stepping on a mine field. During the amount of time it takes to enter my home, I feel as if I have a humoungous anxiety attack coming on. All these precautionary measures are usually in vain though as you must have figured by now. What can one do against such an inevitability?

There is not much you can do in the way of retribution, however, as society as a whole and parents in particular seem quite encouraging of such behaviour. Except for yelling a few of your choicest swear words. No wait, you can wait for Holi to come round again, next year and for the whole painful cycle to be repeated. Except, the intensity of the torture would have gone up a few more degrees, as the children get bloody smarter and more devious and a large number of adults regrettably dumber.